Nobody knows it but me
by XCluSiVe
Summary: gordo's pov, story how gordo is feeling about his relationship with lizzie and miranda. LG?completed
1. intro

Nobody knows it but me

"Can you believe it Gordo?" my best friend Lizzie Maguire exclaimed as we left the school grounds. "We have an entire week off of school. I mean what are we going to do? What is going to happen? What am I going to wear to Miranda's big party tonight? How will I look?"

"Lizzie relax." I stopped walking and turned her around. That's Lizzie for you always asking a million questions. Questions that didn't really matter, well for me anyways. "Calm down. Look you going to look beautiful, just don't over analyze it okay it's just a party."

"Just a party?" Lizzie eyes were turning red and smoke were coming out of her ears. I knew I shouldn't have said that. "Just a party? Just a party? Gordo don't you know that all the popular kids will be there? Don't you know that Ethan will be there. This is big. This is…"

"Whatever Lizzie." I said as I started walking up the street again. I'm tired of hearing go on and on about non sense like that you know because it isn't really important you know. Well for Lizzie it's all or nothing but for me it's like whatever you know. Growing up with Lizzie was though, especially when we got to high school, that's when all the drama started to happen. We were best friends since birth and we were always close growing up. People just knew that we would end up together, I mean it was like destiny you know, it was written in the stars, it was faith you know, but in reality that was far from the truth. Life isn't a fairy tale. Life is… life. My life now is alright you can say I mean I have my best friend by my side. She's the first thing I think about when I wake up in the morning and she's the last thing I think about when I sleep at night. Is that bad? Well either way Lizzie Maguire is my best friend and I love her for always being there for me whenever I needed her. "Lizzie you coming?" I asked over my shoulder. Lizzie was on the phone again, texting her secret admirer, Lizzie looked so beautiful just now.

"Yeah yeah.'' Lizzie said not looking up from her phone. "Hey do you think that Ethan might be my secret admirer?"

"Lizzie why don't you just call him up and find out yourself?" I suggested as she took her place by my side once again. "I mean it's simple just block your number when you call him up."

"But what's the fun In that Gordo?" She giggled. Oh man the way she giggles makes my heart feel so good you know. "Where's the mystery if you do that."

"Can I ask you something Lizzie?"

"What is it?" she answered texting again.

"You've been at this for two months now, ever since winter break, why don't you guys just meet up somewhere in class?"

"Oh we're finally going to meet each other." she squealed. The way she squeals always puts a smile on my face. Tonight at Miranda's party."

"Let me ask you another question Lizzie."

"Sure," this time she was looking at me with her full attention. "what is it?"

"It's pretty lame but, do you love him?" she looked at me. We were now in front of her house. We stood there for about a minute until she finally answered my question.

"Maybe?" she laughed as she enter her house. "I'll call you when I'm ready okay."

"Okay Lizzie Maguire see you in a little bit." I smiled and started walking towards my house. Lizzie is an awesome person, Lizzie is great, Lizzie is real you know. I believe that there's that one special somebody for everyone you know. Someone who makes us complete. Someone who ill love you no matter your faults. Lizzie Maguire is my somebody, but what the hell do I know?

_I do not own anything associated with disney, if I did I would be rich as hell you know what I mean. well anyways please review my story. I know it's short right now because it's just an itroduction. REVIEW!_

_Peace_


	2. reminicing

I'm sitting in my room just looking through my photo album. Man there sure are a lot of pictures of me and Lizzie. I mean Miranda was in the pictures too but the majority of the pictures were just me and my best friend Lizzie Maguire. I know I have feelings for her but I just don't want to let it out. There are times when I just want to tell her, where I want to hug her and kiss her, but I guess I'm just a coward huh? No really I am. I mean here we are in our 3rd year of high school and she still doesn't know my true feelings for her. I mean I guess she kinda knew already you know but I guess she's just a coward like me. What am I going to do? Should I tell her the truth tonight? Yeah right how many times have I said the before, about a million? Well tonight is the night, I hope so.

"David," my mother called from outside of my bedroom. "can I come in?"

"Sure," I unlocked my door which I usually do to keep the parents out, you know how it is. "was sup mom?"

"Well," she took a seat on my bed. With the look on her face I already knew what she was going to say. "Honey I want you back by midnight do you understand. And I don't want you drinking is that clear?"

"Mom," I sighed. "C'mon you didn't raised no fool here. Besides it's Miranda whose throwing the party and I promise mother I will be back at 11:30 just to please you, okay?" my mother smiled and left. Well that was easy. My mother was always like that you know. I guess I don't blmae her. She also seemed to like Miranda a whole lot, especially after we went out. Yeah that's right me and Sanchez was a couple. I guess you didn't see that one coming. Well anyways when we were going out it was the happiest days of my life. I miss Miranda to tell you the truth. But I guess our time has come and gone. It was just a bitter end to a perfect relationship. Miranda and I shared a lot of memories together and we both had a lot in common. I mean we both had the same best friend and we both like the same stuff you know. You know to tell you the truth when I first got with Miranda it was funny because she had just broke up with Ethan and I just couldn't get over the fact that Lizzie and I will never be you know. Then one thing led to another and I guess you know the rest. Like I said it was a bitter end to a perfect relationship. What I mean is that I cheated on her, yup that's right. I guess you can't believe it but it's true. I mean I didn't mean too it just happened. You know I didn't actually cared for Miranda, I was just a regular teenage boy just in it to see how far I can get with her you know. But my perception of her changed when I found out that she used to cut her wrist. Yeah I couldn't believe it at first but it's true. So I stayed with her, not because I felt sorry for her but because I wanted too you know. I was in love with her to tell you the truth. Well in the end I cheated on her. I'm really sorry I did that you know because that's not me. I don't cheat. In fact the next day I told her what happened and she just didn't want to hear it. I don't blame her. The following month after we broke up she transfred out of Hillridge High. I never spoken to her in 13 months. You know I really cared about herm for real, but I guess I just didn't feel for her like I feel for Lizzie. With Lizzie it's perfect you know, even though she doesn't know how I feel for her, it's still magical. I love my best friend but the only problem is I don't know how to tell her. Then my telephone rang, I already knew who it was.

"I'm on my way Maguire."


	3. under the stars

"What took you so long?" Lizzie yelled as I got to her front step. She was already outside and looking beautiful then ever. How I just want to tell her how I feel.. "You got me waiting out here in the cold man." I could tell she was joking by the way she squinted her eyes when she looked at me.

"Relax I had to walk all the way over here." I defended myself. "I think my deodorant is losing it's sense." I pretended to smell my armpit and Lizzie can do was laugh. Her laugh was soft and soothing if you can imagine that. She gave a little shove on the back telling that we should get a move on. "Yeah ok ok I was just goanna sit down and take a breather, man. Your house and my house is like 2 miles from each other."

"Gordo," Lizzie gave me a look. "you just live 3 blocks down. What are you talking about?"

"Yeah I know," I said as I took a sit on her porch, "I'm just a little tired." Lizzie was about to smack me on the head like she always do when she's irritated but I managed to block it and started running down the block. Lizzie was on my tail. We kept running until we got to the other block. "You know for a girl like you, you sure can run fast."

"I know Gordo, I know." she said with a grin on her face. "C'mon we're going to be late. Luckily Miranda just lives 4 blocks away from the school." so we started walking. It was silence while we were walking to Miranda's house, which was actually kinda rare seeing how we always got something to talk about no matter the situation. Lizzie broke the silence. "Gordo?"

"Yeah?"

"AM I ugly?" she was serious, I could tell by the way she was looking at me. Her eyes was sincere, it was full of passion. Hell I should've kissed her right then and there but I couldn't, it just wouldn't be my style you know. I'm just a coward remember. "Gordo answer me, am I ugly?"

"Yes." I said. Her face turned bright red. "but in a beautiful kind of way." she started walking again this time with her head down. "Relax Maguire I was just only joking with you. You are beautiful. In fact you're the most beautiful person I ever seen, in real life that is." she started giggling again. Oh man there goes her giggles again. "What made you asked that question Lizzie? You are so beautiful can't you see that?"

"I was just wondering." she said as she looked up at the sky, probably looking at the stars like she always do. "I just wish my secret admirer would think so." she said with her eyes fixated on the stars.

"He thinks your beautiful Lizzie." I stated.

"How do you know?" she asked this time taking her eyes off the stars and looked deep into my blue eyes. "Do you know him?"

"No, I don't. why else would he have a crush on you, because you're a klutz?" I joked but this time she didn't laugh she just looked back up in the clear beautiful sky. She started shivering, in fact we both were. Pretty smart huh? Leaving the house with no jacket. But anyway she started shivering and I went over to her and just hugged her. "Don't worry Maguire he'll like you, who wouldn't?" I kissed her forehead and we just stared into each others eyes for what seem like eternity, but in reality it was only a quick 5 seconds. "C'mon we don't wanna be late." I'm just a coward.


	4. final chapter

It wasn't long until we got to our destination. Still it felt like forever with the silence that filled the air when walking to the party. I had my chance to tell her, Lizzie Maguire, my best friend, just how I felt about her but I chickened out. I always have chances like those but I just could never actually say the words I want to say you know what I mean? the party was already starting when we entered the front door. The house looked the same as it did every time I would come here everyday after school with Miranda. The only difference was that there were a lot of kids. A lot of kids I didn't even know. I questioned myself earlier in the evening to why I came to the party. Miranda would probably yell at me and I would be totally embarrass. But what the hell did I care right. She's not my girlfriend no more I got other plans, Lizzie. I wandered off into the kitchen where I grabbed a soda for me and Lizzie but when I came back she was nowhere to be found. She probably notice somebody she knew, which was cool because that's Lizzie. I can't stop her from having a good time just because I want her for myself. So I decided to go outside and drink my sodas on the porch. Hey it was better then being inside with a bunch of saps I hardly knew. As I got outside breeze came through. I should've brought a coat. I sat on the steps of the porch with the sodas on my hand. I don't know I just felt alone you know. All I can think about is Lizzie having a great time in there with her secret admirer. But I'm cool with it, I'm always cool with it to tell you the truth. Seeing Lizzie be happy means everything to me honestly. I got up and peeked through the mirror I saw Lizzie in there having fun, living life something I wish I can be you know. I don't know growing up I was just never content with my life. Hell the only time I felt happy, imean really happy was my sophomore of high school. Last year when I was with Miranda. But even then I wasn't really totally happy. Last year was the happiest/loneliest days of my life. All these kids in there were having a ball. They were living life whereas me I was already settling. I don't know what no more. We just got there and I already felt like leaving. There goes my mission. Mission aborted like it always is. Then I was surprised to who came out and sat next to me on steps. It was Miranda. She was looking beautiful, hell she always looked beautiful. I was just wondering why the hell is she doing out here with me. I was glad anyways you know. I never saw her for 13 months but she still looked exactly the same but there was something different about her at the same time.

"Miranda." I said giving her a big hug. She was a little hesitant at first but she eventually gave in to the hug. "Long time huh?"

"Yeah long time." she agreed, "why are you out here? Didn't you come here with Lizzie?"

"I just wanted to come out here you know." I answered not looking into her eyes but at my can of soda. "I mean you know me."

"Yeah." she sighed.

"Look Miranda, " I started. "I'm really sorry. Really I am. I never meant to hurt you the way I did."

"Gordo you can save it okay." she shot back this time my eyes and her's met for the first time in a year. "You know I really don't want to hear it okay. I mean I'm not mad at you I just want you to know that." I was about to say something but she cut me off. "I mean I'm not going to lie to you Gordo I'm going to be here for whenever you have any problems you know. It's the least I can do since you put up with my drama you know. But this doesn't mean I want to hang out with you anymore. It also doesn't mean that you can call me anytime you want so we can just talk because frankly Gordo I don't want to seriously. I don't want to be your friend ever again. But just know that I'll be here for you whenever you really really need me that's it." Hearing her say that really broke my heart in half. I loved her, I cared for her, and I stayed through her through all her rough times, but I guess I deserve it. My eyes began tearing up, not because of what she said but because of the tone of her voice. She sounded okay. She sounded like her life at the moment was the best that it has ever been. It's making me cry because for the first time I'm actually seeing Miranda live her life. I mean she deserves to be happy. She deserves somebody who will love her and will never hurt her. She really truly sincerely deserves somebody like that because she really is perfect.

"Ok," I stuttered. It was the first word that came into my head. "yeah because you don't deserve somebody like me. I guess I'll see you when I see right." I kissed her on the cheek as tears rolled down the side of my cheeks. "good bye Miranda Sanchez." with that I left.

I pretended I'm glad you went away  
These four walls closin' more every day  
And I'm dying inside  
And nobody knows it but me

I started walking to God knows where. I just realized right now at this very moment how much Miranda really meant to me. I mean I had someone, someone who knew the real me. The me that Lizzie never knew. I had her but now she's gone. And all this time I've been blinded by Lizzie and I just couldn't love Miranda the way I should've had.

Like a clown I put on a show  
The pain is real even if nobody knows  
Now I'm cryin' inside  
And nobody knows it but me

Why didn't I say  
The things I needed to say  
How could I let my angel get away  
Now my world is just a-tumblin' down  
I can see it so clearly  
But you're nowhere around

The nights are lonely  
The days are so sad  
And I just keep thinkin' about  
The love that we had  
And I'm missin' you  
And nobody knows it but me

I finally got back to Miranda's house hoping for some strange reason that she'll still be outside waiting for me to return, but she wasn't. I guess you never really know how much you love a person until that person is gone from you.

I carry a smile when I'm broken in two  
Now I'm nobody without someone like you  
I'm tremblin' inside, and nobody knows it but me  
I lie awake, its a quarter past three  
I'm screamin' at night  
As if I thought you'd hear me  
Yeah my heart is callin' you  
And nobody knows it but me

How blue can I get  
You could ask my heart  
But like a jigsaw puzzle its been torn all apart  
A million words couldn't say just how I feel  
A million years from now you know I'll be lovin' you still

I peeked through the window once more and spotted Lizzie with I think may have been her secret admirer. And I spoted Miranda sitting down with a bunch of her real friends, unlike me.

Tomorrow mornin' I'm hittin' the dusty road  
Gonna find you wherever, ever you might go  
I'm gonna unload my heart  
And hope you come back to me  
Said when the nights are lonely...

The days are so sad  
And I just keep thinkin' about  
The love that we had  
And I'm missin' you  
And nobody knows it but me

Once upon a time there was a girl I knew. Dark hair brown eyes. When she laughed I laughed, when she cried I cried. Everything that really mattered in my life in someway had to do with her. Miranda was my everything not Lizzie Maguire. I had someone who loved me more then I loved her, but I fucked it up. Life isn't perfect. I should've said something to Miranda though, like tell her how I really feel about the situation, that I still want to be with her. Tell her my true feelings but I guess she's never going to find out is she? I'm just a coward.


End file.
